If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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