never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
