So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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