is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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