my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
