when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
