I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
