Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
