Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
