Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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