a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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