Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize