Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
