College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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