Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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