Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
