Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude i'm inner monologue high
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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