Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
