Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
