I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
