I love black thongs
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
