butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
