I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
