i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
