I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
