Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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