Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There are leaves in my underwear?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
