i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
