How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize