we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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