I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
