I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
