Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
