True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
