watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
His nipple licking is glorious
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