I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize