I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
