someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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