I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
two words...techno handjob
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
