It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
