There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
