Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
