Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
