I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
