so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
