just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
