I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
