Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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