I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
