I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize