she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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