I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
