remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
