Who wears a wallet chain?!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
