I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
