I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
