I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
