I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
