What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
bring money and cleavage
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
