If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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