Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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