doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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