broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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