i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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