Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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