i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
porn star boner night. come get it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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