haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
