Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize