I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
