everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
even my farts smell like vagina
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize