somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
