Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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