Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
