I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
