What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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