kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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