ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
