i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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