Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
