I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
